VALENTINE'S DAY LADIES & LAVAS, KAKES & KAVAS

RED 

or

WHITE?

KATIM WANPLA TASOL

By Kasty Kake Lareva 

As the man himself long long Lofty always says:

boom shakalaka kaboom wadeva is gageva is lareva kofa ....

okay oh happy valentines lovers and kavas  💖 💓 💕 💗 ❤ ♥ 

That kake lareva day that makes lovers go boom chika wow wow has sneaked up on us again . . come Feb 14.

and so many years ago when my brada Lofty from Miaru River, was a little bit crazy about this sweetness lalokau dim dim kekeni he met one night at the Aussie High Comm in PoM. 

She was cool like a Lelefiru mori seika but I suspect that she liked Lofty coz she thought he was Michael Jordan. He's six foot 3 roses flame flour!

And so 1995 Valentines Day pops by and am wandering and wondering as to how is Lofty Long Long gonna win the love of this sexy lalokau sinabada on this special day. 

So Lofty rides his sorry ass camel to our sister Betty's house on the hill at Gordon's and spill the jelly beans about the nao mori (white missus). 

Betsy is outraged but simply rolls her eyes like a good sister does and says, well bring her a rose! 

So Lofty sneaks out the back of her yard and chops down a red rose. Bugger, her dog Lousy gives him a mighty wolf growl. woof woof . . 

Then Lofty reckons two could be a more impressive trick, blary long long kanaka kava kava stret. woof woof woof again says Lousy.

Lofty and his white tooth and last strands of hair.

And so its back in the rusty old ford and Lofty rolls off to town with a red 🌹 rose and a white rose for back up with the music up on Red, Red wine. 

On the way, instead of picking me up, he picks up his besty JP better known as Blokka, just in case the angry white man paps blo sinabada lalokau kams aut swinging his very blunt tramontina. 

Em nau Blokka bai blokim kiau blo paps blo sinabada na Lofty bai paitim saksak lo poi mafu mori blo em.

Now don't get me wrong, Blokka is a big enough unit, who can block anything including a one metre Tramontina from Mister Bee.

Okay story go olsem. They end up at her seaside apartment, It's cozy and  breezy. Manubada Island is alive with bird life. Two by two, the noisy birdies flock in for the evening on Bird Island. 

Lofty foul now? Which colour is the best? red or white? Blokka kaikai da buai and mutters some nilpis malira words: em white Missus ya, get the white one, but Lofty's instinct says red riding hood. 

So lofty collects the red rose and tells Blocka to take the stage coach home before midnight or it might turn into a lamana pumpkin and the sinabada Cinderella upstairs would kick him out.

Big mistake as we shall 'ah huh' find out.

Well Sinabada is deeply impressed with the red rose. Kapolei hinage arotau red 🌹 ♥. 

The krismas lights dim, the red wine flows, kanaka pikinini Lofty grows tender in heart but stiffens in the middle stump and their love glows like the full moon of Raba Raba rub mi to Waga Waga. 

NOW before you crazy lovers start getting amorous boom shakalaka horny, lets go to the final fekko frikking wekko chapter. 

Next day, Lofty is at work, breathless from the sinabada's midnight yoga class, and waiting for Blocka to show up with his pumpkin wheels, yes remember the wheels of the truck go yoga round! 

At 10 past 10, the big bugger shows up and sheepishly slings off to his corner. 

Lofty calling him 'hey blocka, where's my donkey?' he pretends he hasn't heard loftee. 'Oi kar blo mi where?' Blocka struggles to his feet. 

oh please i hope he didn't prang it last night, Lofty prays. 

Sorry boss he mutters and drops a strong aukana rock fere koko buai betel nut on Lofty's table, maybe a small bribe. 

Your stage coach has got a minor problem, his besty shrugs. 

'Well what's the problem blocka?' I want to know says Noftee. 

'It's got a flat tyre,' he shrugs again! Lofty is far from convinced, confused, depressed and getting preposterously outraged while thinking about that sinabada's yoga lesson, especially the part where he has to stand on his head and sip his red wine.

Big Blokka does a two step dance.

Lunch time arrives and the two find a pumpkin driver to take them to Blocka's coconut palace at 5 mile. 

Sure enough the old ford laser is parked outside his smoky kitchen. and smiling back at Lofty are 4 FLAT WHEELS!!!!! 

Lofty is aghast, angry, outraged . . and he shakes his miaru river kebere head in disbelief. Wssss. Kaiye kaikai lewa red rose.

'What the yoga eff happened here Blokka, you said a flat tyre and now it's all four, don't you know how to count?' 

Blokka just gives Lofty his sneaky 'yu plary itiet' nilpis grin!' 

And so it transpires that on inspecting the back of the wagon in the dabai namona, the sweetness mama of the house was deeply impressed with the red black yellow white rose of texas in the back seat. 

No amount of explanation would convince Lady Gaga that the REO speed wagon belonged to lofty and the whitey palawa rose belonged to Lofty's gageva dimdim ideas. 

And so boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, lovers and kavas, don't drink kava and become kavakava like lofty. 

If you are going to give her a sweet red rose, katim wanpla tasol . . . 

HAVE A RED ROSY LALOKAU DAY!

Lofty and his taubada and sinabada parents just incase the bride price demand came.